Denial
by Skylark Evanson
Summary: He's never self-conscious around Wally. He never has been, never will be. That's why Wally's so great. Wally has no analytical thought. He's pretty straightforward, all or nothing, black or white, winner or loser. And Dick has a good feeling that Wally would approve of what's under Nightwing's skin-tight suit.


**A/N: Okay, this is my first attempt at BirdFlash. Not even hardcore or anything, but I really generally don't write slash that much. Basically, I've only ever written one slash pairing, making me completely inexperienced in the area.**

**This fandom has inspired me to stretch my wings and I feel like you're nice enough to give me comments and advice rather than just flame all over this. Now I'll confess two things: I generally don't write Robin romance at all, and my limited extend of slash stuff keeps me very restrained in this area, so can we all give constructive criticism at the end of this? Thanks guys.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own. Sorry for long A/N.  
Warning: Mentions and language.****  
Note: It goes- Wally, Dick, Dick, Wally.**

* * *

**Denial**

Is it supposed to feel like this? Love, I mean. Is it supposed to hurt?

Because I see his lips locked with Zatanna's and it kills me inside. I want to dig a hole and die in it. I can't think about anything else when I'm around him except how much I love everything that is Dick Grayson.

And I think I'm insane for feeling this way. I'm crazy for him, head-over-heels, every kind of cliché, run away together kind of crazy. I'm falling all over him, and I can't stop myself.

Then he's around another corner kissing Artemis, who doesn't even argue. She lets him feel her up and all these other things and then there's me wishing _I_ could be the she-witch and that Dick's hands are touching _me_ and that his lips were sucking at _my_ neck. Because I want Dick all over _me_.

But he's into girls. And I'm not. I'm rejected and neglected and empty inside.

He doesn't love me.

But I love him more than can be put into coherent words. I would give my soul just to have him in my arms for a few heartbeats. I would give my life for one of his beautiful smiles. I would do anything to have him love me the same way I love him.

He doesn't get it. He's oblivious. He can't see that I fawn over him every second of the day. Dick Grayson is my whole world. He will always be in my heart and in my head.

There are moments where I just want to curl up and die because he won't love me. He'll never love me. I'm unworthy of his adoration. I'm just Wally West. He's so much more than that-

He's a Grayson. He's Bruce Wayne's son. He's important, and if he turned out to be gay, the publicity would be ridiculous. And if he /did/ fall for me, I'd be that awkward guy on the news who can't talk.

He's got the greatest set of morals anyone could ever ask for. Dick's got this fine line of right and wrong and this line is never crossed unless completely necessary. He doesn't kill. He doesn't sacrifice. He's a lover and a fighter, but one definitely rises above the other.

He's Dick. He's my best friend. I shouldn't feel this way. He's my best friend. Best friend. What? Best friend? This term suddenly translates into lover and I'm instantly in love with him...

As he gropes Babs on the kitchen counter, I feel even more alone. He'll never love me. He's straight, I'm not; it's plain and simple.

Still, I wish it were me. I want him to run those fingers all over me and whisper special things in my ear. I want to feel loved. I want to feel full.

But I want it to be Dick.

But it won't be Dick.

So I'll be unloved and empty forever.

I don't like this feeling.

* * *

_I'm straight_.

He pulls Zatanna flush against him, letting her get those gloved hands balled up in his ebony hair and elicit deep, enticing moans.

Dick lets out a breathy sigh and a quick pant as she begins to chew at his lower lip, obviously desperate for a little game tonight. He gives in, but he's not thinking about her.

Wally is on his mind. Wally's always on his mind. He keeps trying to tell himself otherwise, that he's just thinking of Wally because Wally's his best friend and because he thinks of Wally a lot, but that doesn't settle the fact that he's thinking about Wally while having sex with a woman.

_I'm straight._

Artemis makes him think of Wally even more.

She always tries to slip him out of his uniform, but he always keeps himself tucked away tightly inside the Nightwing garb, eager to hide from her prying fingers and eyes.

He's never self-conscious around Wally. He never has been, never will be. That's why Wally's so great. Wally has no analytical thought. He's pretty straightforward, all or nothing, black or white, winner or loser. And Dick has a good feeling that Wally would approve of what's under Nightwing's skin-tight suit.

He's not gay. No.

_I'm straight._

Barbara's a redhead. Sure, he's dated every hair color, but Babs just really makes him think of Wally. All she's missing are the freckles. And her eyes are all wrong. Wally's eyes are this perfect shade of green... More like jade or emerald, it's hard to judge...

She's got him down to his boxers.

He really isn't feeling it. He likes Babs, he does, but not enough. Artemis was a good friend who craved love; so was Zatanna. They were out of pity and love and friendship. This? No, this was because he wanted a redhead under him. He just really wanted a redhead. _Really_wanted a redhead.

"No."

Her eyes freeze on his bare chest, shock written across her features. Because he can see in her eyes that she thought it was going to work, that they were going to have sex, and that maybe it'd last forever. Her question is a mere breath. "Why?"

_I'm gay._

* * *

Because I don't know what it is inside of me that's begging for him. I'm so confused and everything is spinning-

-have the stars always been that bright?

Because I'm not sure if I'm blind or not. Maybe a veil has been lifted because it sure as Hell feels like it, but on the same note, the world looks even more muddled through these new eyes.

Have the chiseled chests of male joggers always caught my eye? Have they?

And has my ass always been this gorgeous?

But the most important question: have I always loved Wally? Have I always secretly craved him like this?

It feels dirty... and good. Because he's Wally, because I think he's okay with this, because he's my best friend. How can he say no?

But barging in this late at night without any warning just to tell him I might be gay and that I'm in love with him? Yeah, that'll go over perfectly.

Yet the zeta tube is _right there_ and I'm not about to stop myself. I've been denying it too long. And it hurts. Love hurts. It doesn't even feel like it gets easier. Not that I know what love is. Come on, Bruce Wayne isn't exactly a teddybear...

Neither is Batman.

* * *

Wally's seen all the movies. He knows how it's supposed to go. Classy and cliché in the same moment. That beautiful moment of realization when two people stare at each other from across the room and automatically know that they were meant for each other. There isn't supposed to be any other factor in it except for this feeling of love at first sight or whatever.

For him, it was like a blooming flower. Friends. Best friends. Teammates. Then, one day, he looked at the kid and saw a little bit more than a best friend. And he instantly loved him. Because he adored Robin's laugh and his smile and the way they talked geek to each other and how Robin told him everything. It just took him a little while to let the love snap in as the final piece of the puzzle.

Now it was in place. He was awake, alive, ready.

Nightwing was off fucking Barbara Gordon somewhere, probably having the time of his life being _straight_ and _normal_.

The mere thought makes him want to curl up into a ball and die. Because he will _never_get over Dick Grayson.

"Dude, you're a fucking slob."

His jade eyes grow wide as his head swivels like an owl's to stare at the doorway, full of Nightwing in all his beautiful glory. "What are you-"

"Hear me out real quick," he cuts in, hands out in a weak attempt to shut up the mouthy speedster. "I know this is stupid and crazy and it'll probably be awkward by the end, which, in retrospect, I should've thought about before just bailing- You know what, never mind." He dismisses his own thoughts with a wave of his gloved hand; he won't fear rejection, not when he's already fallen so far down the rabbit hole. "Wally, I think I love you."

Huh. So maybe it wasn't such a pipe dream after all. "Dick-"

"I just realized it like twenty minutes ago, so I'm still not convinced myself, but when I'm craving a redhead and Babs isn't cutting it, I know there's a problem, and I don't even have sexual thoughts about women, seriously. Quite honestly, I don't have sexual thoughts about anyone, but I know I like redheads, that's a given." His mask betrays where his eyes are looking. "Wally?"

Oh woah, does it ever turn out so well? Is it even supposed to? Wally stands up, letting the bag of chips fall from his lap. "You- You think you might be gay?"

His lips twitch, and it irks Wally that he's not already kissing that boy. "Maybe? Possibly? Yes?" His brows furrow and he rubs the back of his neck nervously. Then he looks to his best friend again. He feels so weird about all of this... "You- You wanna help me figure it out?"

Wally smiles broadly. "You never really did get past your awkward phase, did you?" asks the ginger as he moves forward and gives Nightwing a knowing look.

"Not at all." And he reaches out to take Wally's hands in his own.

* * *

**A/N: Please leave constructive criticism instead of flames. Thanks for reading!**

**~Sky**


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